Emo wuss

4 years, 1 month, and 18 days ago I went on my first date with a girl that I was obsessed wih. I had seen her around town and school for months and thought she looked like the most incredible person in the world. I'm a horrificly shy person alot of the time so it took me almost 3 months just to talk to her and get her name. One day I finally asked her on a date. The rest is history. We went through more together than I've gone through with anyone in my life. We both grew so much and loved eachother so much that we talked about getting married and having kids. We loved each other. Last week I got a phone call at 10am from her. She said that she didn't want to be in a relationship and hung up. I couldnt get ahold of her untill a day afterwards. You can probobly imagine how crushed I was/am. We had just signed a lease together and made plans to go to two concerts. Then out of left field this happens. Fuck. That is the reason I havn't been around much recently. Relationships are really fucked up things. No matter how badly you want someone to love you and be with you you can't make them. And I realize that even me writing this may drive a wedge between us deeper, but it's this desperate need for someone to talk to and to relate to that puts us in the relationships we are in anyway. I've always been a sucker, and I've never known what to do around girls besides shower them with the praise that they deserve. So the ultimate rejection that comes when I tell somone that they are beautiful and I love them, and always will, is something that is really hard for me to comprehend. And that sucks, but it's something I'm learning really quick. Now all that is left is the hope that hearts can change and someday we will be back together, but it's hard to know that even uttering that possibility lessens the chances of it happening. I guess thats a risk I have to take. If your reading this Anna, You are beautiful, I love you and I miss you. I always will.

On a much brighter note I've also come to this ephiany that I am a kind of lucky guy. Yesterday was the Valleycat. I got to hang out with a bunch of really cool people all day, meet and talk to a bunch of people Ive never met before. Ride my bike with friends, eat free food, drink free beer, give someone the shirt off my back and get another one in return, and sit in a ditch trying to fix two flats. While the last part wasn't the funnest the rest was a really good time. A brief synopsis goes something like this. Went for a ride around town in the morning, and stopped in at the farmers market for a while. Hung out there, and Davin and another guy and myself went to the library to look for some city maps. Ended up getting them, which proved pointless as a map was on the manifest. Anyway I headed down to Racys early and everyone started showing up. Everyone started showing up and registering, we rode down to the footbridge by clairmont for the start. It was intense. Hit up the first checkpoint on campus and Kristoff and I decided to ride together. Tore down Clairemont in the construction lane which was really fun. hit up the next checkpoint in the mall, and headed out for Pizza Del Re. Just after leaving I was booking it and rode on some gravel for about 5 feet. PFFFFFFFFFF both of my tires blew out. Walked somewhere safe and got a ride back to racys.

I got some new tires and tubes and people started showing up. Ryan took first, I don't remember how many other people placed. Stuck around there for a while rode a bunch of bikes, and headed to the joynt. Stuck around there and then headed up to hilltop. Free beer everywhere. Lots of prizes. Skid through my tire, which was much harder than I had anticipated it being. Drank a bunch went for a long walk in the rain. Got back to hioll top, drank a bunch more. Beer ran out and we headed to Scooters. Scooters was dead so a bunch of people went to My Place. I thought it was lame so I headed to the Joynt with Derrik. We chilled there for a while then I went to the brat ( I know) and sat around for a little while listening to Tribe called quest. Went back to the joynt talked to a bunch of poelpe and had a reazlly good time. Went to an after bar for like 1/3 hour but wasn't feeling it so Thomas and I took a long walk back to my house because my tire went flat for the 4th time in one day.

Now I'm opertating of 4 hours sleep, and Im still a little drunk. But I think I will be ok. Which is something I don't feel like I've been able to say in a while, so its a strange thought. I've just finally come to the conclusion that in life you can only have what you have, so its a matter of taking the cards you dealt. Sometimes they suck, and you get papercuts from them, and you hate what they are doing, but you have to take them anyway. Anyway heres a bunch more pictures from the alleycat. Im going to call in sick to work and go to sleep instead of studying for finals.